Hey sis,

I was looking over your blog and I love the content!

I also realized that all of your photos are of you smiling.

No one is smiling like that all the time.

It was another powerful statement from my little brother during our chats.

He said it so nonchalantly, and there wasn’t an ounce of judgment in his statement.

Nevertheless, it got me thinking.

Was the constant smiling real?

Like even in my own life, was it real?

I’m here to tell you that it isn’t.

Like you, I have my down days.

Motherhood on Instagram vs Reality

Outside of Instagram, the reality of motherhood is a lot more complex than the picture-perfect photos we see.

I mean, of course, I’d love to report that my house is pristine and looks like a magazine all the time.

I’d love to share that I always have it together as a mom.

In fact, I’d love to say that I never get irritated or overwhelmed.

But to say that would be a lie and a complete disregard of the beauty of the ups and downs in this thing called life – of this journey called parenting.

What you see is the highlight reel of motherhood.

And nothing is wrong with highlights!

But like a movie trailer, let’s not forget there’s a story behind it — an entire world with people involved, a place, conflicts, and resolutions, all captured in one still moment.

Yes, Good Moms Have Bad Mom Days

The reality is that…

Like you, some days I’m just tired.

Like you, some days I feel drained.

And like you, most days I’m afraid to ask for help because it may make me seem like I’m not a good mom, that I’m ungrateful, or that I’m simply a weak, complaining woman who isn’t consistent with her gratitude journal.

Deep down, I don’t believe I’m any of those things.

You don’t either (about yourself).

But we can both agree that these thoughts have most definitely plagued our minds and caused self-imposed shame, paralyzing us in fear and stopping us from speaking up.

Yet, even with all the paralyzing expectations, it’s time that we speak up.

It’s time that we allow our true selves to be fully seen in each moment. Whether that’s a moment of joy or frustration.

It is time to let go of being a superwoman, and it’s time to embrace our humanity.

Again, this is life.

We know there are highs and lows.

It’s about time that we include motherhood in this definition too.

So whether you have 1 kid or more, this is your reminder that you don’t have to always have it all together.

Down days are allowed, mama 💜

I’m human and you are too.

Pin This For Later!

<p>The post Hey Mama, You’re Allowed To Have Down Days first appeared on Baydian Girl.</p>

It was time for me to schedule a therapy appointment.

In fact, it was past due.

For some reason, I had assumed I could postpone my mental health maintenance until the COVID-19 quarantine was over.

But a couple of weeks in, and I realized that that was definitely a mistake.

So I opened my email and began to type.

Hi,

I’d like to schedule some time tomorrow, if possible.

My mental health has taken a nosedive. Definitely need some time.

It was a desperate cry for help during an unusual time.

An honest moment where I said, “Hey! I need help navigating motherhood during quarantine.”

Why I Reached Out For Help

It goes without saying that parenting is an adventure that has no itinerary.

I mean, no one can really tell you exactly how everything will go.

And under normal circumstances, that’s uncertainty that every mom, dad, and legal guardian accepts.

But throw in an anomaly like COVID-19, and the highs and lows of parenting transition from a daily or weekly occurrence to ups and downs every few minutes or hour.

And that’s where I found myself.

Right before I emailed my therapist, I became consumed by the overwhelm.

In this new norm, I had to be a mom and a working professional simultaneously and continuously.

There was never really a hard start and stop.

And the guilt…the guilt I felt was worse than normal.

I felt guilty for letting my daughter watch hours of TV just so my husband and I could work without interruption.

I wanted to cry whenever I heard my daughter become distraught while I walked away to make a client call.

And the kicker, was when I had to look at her adorable face and say, “Honey, mommy can’t right now. She has to work.”

Then on the flip side, whenever my baby girl threw a tantrum or refused to take a nap, I secretly yearned for the day when daycare would reopen.

But right after, I felt like a horrible mom for even having the thought.

I mean people were losing loved ones during this pandemic. How could I even think of my hard days compared to theirs?

Plus what about all those essential workers who don’t get to see their kids?

I was a mix of emotions, feeling like I was failing at work-life balance, being selfish, and just not doing enough.

But thank God, after my mental health check-in, my therapist gave me some gentle reminders that helped me regain my composure.

5 Mantras To Help You Navigate Motherhood During Quarantine

Here’s what she shared with me to help me navigate parenting during COVID-19.

(1) Feel all the feelings.

As moms, we need to acknowledge exactly where we’re at with no shame. We need to allow ourselves to feel all the emotions coursing through our veins.

Suppressing them doesn’t help our individual mental health, and eventually, it will affect those at home with us.

We have to remember that it’s okay to feel.

(2) Stop holding yourself to a productivity standard from 2 months ago. 

The reality is that what you are able to tackle right now is entirely different from what you had the bandwidth to do over two months ago.

The old norm is gone, it’s time to be kind to yourself and embrace the imperfection of this new one.

(3) Be honest with yourself and others about what you can handle right now.

After you’ve come to terms with your new norm, it’s time to get practical about what you can actually handle right now.

For example, most days, I’m so tapped out by Baby Shark and juggling multiple roles in my life that I don’t have the energy to participate in a long phone call with friends. Yet I am willing to text.

There are also days where my daughter really wants more one-on-one time, so I set aside my phone and become completely unavailable.

Whatever, you actually can do, do it and set up boundaries with others.

(4) Take note of what makes you feel happy during this new norm and create a self-care routine around that.

At a time like this, it definitely feels like a self-care routine is impossible.

But when my therapist shared this with me, it reminded me of my dad’s advice to do five (5) small things for yourself throughout each day.

The idea here isn’t to do the same things day in and day out to practice self-care.

It’s more about doing a few things that allow you to invest in yourself on each specific day.

Maybe today, your five things as a parent are going to be (1) taking a hot shower by yourself, (2) having a cup of coffee, (3) reading a page from your favorite novel for 5 minutes, (4) not cooking and ordering in, and (5) staying up for an hour later to watch an action movie on Netflix.

And maybe tomorrow, your 5 things are combined into spending 2 hours playing a random game on your phone at the end of the day.

These actions aren’t necessarily ground-breaking or trendy but what matters is that they make you happy and help you feel recharged during COVID-19.

(5) Remember, that you are doing enough.

Last but not least, if you forget everything I’ve written and only remember one thing, remember this – You are doing enough.

My husband, not my therapist, actually said this to me…but that’s beside the point.

The fact is, parenting and doing all things during the current pandemic has a tendency to make us feel like we’re failing at something.

But in reality, we’re doing our best each and every day.

Try to remember that on your good and your bad days.

And from one mom to another, please remember that you’re not alone with how you feel during this quarantine.

Pin this for later!

<p>The post My Honest Confessions About Being A Mom During Quarantine first appeared on Baydian Girl.</p>

I’m not sure what it’s called but it involves hearing the word ‘No‘  and my daughter getting into everything.

It makes me miss the simpler infant stage when my biggest worry was my daughter rolling off of the bed.

Nevertheless, I love the moments when my husband or I walk through the front door and she screams, ‘Mama!‘ or ‘Dada!‘ running up to us with her arms open wide.

It’s so precious.

Yet as my little girl grows up before my eyes, I’m reminded that soon I’m going to have to teach her about the phenomenon called stranger danger.

Definitely not a simple task for a parent but I figured hubby and I would rise to the occasion when it became necessary.

Or so I thought.

Yikes! Another Parenting Mistake

Miya, our daughter, is one of the happiest and friendliest kids you could ever meet.

I mean, this girl has been smiling since birth!

However, she is around that age where if she doesn’t know you, she will stay the hell away.

The good thing is, it’s very normal, especially between 8 months to 2 years old.

But what have I done?

During some of my little girl’s obvious displays of stranger danger, I tried to persuade her to show affection to a person she clearly didn’t want to give any to.

And I thought it was okay.

Until one day, my girlfriends and I were having a deep conversation about family cultures, and two of them spoke up.

An Interesting Take On Stranger Danger

One of my friends, a fellow mom like me, shared that she learned not to force her sons to show affection to others.

Her reasoning was simple –> she wanted them to understand boundaries and to trust their sense of safety.

You see, it wasn’t totally about the potential danger someone could have on them. And trust me, this is every parent’s worst nightmare.

Her focus was instilling a healthy sense of independence and respect.

After she shared her perspective, another friend chimed in, supporting her approach.

She wasn’t a mom but as a passionate supporter of women’s rights, she expressed that this mindful practice of self-love was key for little girls as well.

Yes, all of it mattered – boundaries, independence, safety, and respect.

It was at that moment that I spoke up.

Wow, I need to apologize to Miya.

“I’ve tried to force her to smile and hug people she doesn’t remember, even people she hasn’t met before.”

This wasn’t an epiphany that came from a place of shame.

I’d just realized that I hadn’t treated my daughter how I would want to be treated, and at the same time, I wasn’t honoring her God-given instincts.

Thankfully, my homegirls responded to my vulnerability with grace and kindness.

And I made the choice right then and there to practice this conscientious approach with all the kids in my life, starting with my own.

No, My Daughter Doesn’t Owe You Affection

What is best for the child is not always what is most convenient for the parent

–Bonnie Bedford

In the moments that I unintentionally let my daughter down, I thought it was more convenient to save face and prove that my daughter was sociable.

I think I even thought that it would confirm that as parents, my husband and I had put in the effort to consistently interact with close and extended family.

But, moving forward, we stand firmly on the principle that our daughter doesn’t owe anyone affection.

What’s your take on this topic?

<p>The post An Interesting Take On Stranger Danger That I Just Discovered first appeared on Baydian Girl.</p>

Well – maybe not yet!

Summer is approaching and you’re ready to take the family on a well-deserved vacation. Or, you have a destination wedding that you need to attend.

But there’s one more thing on your to-do list this time around – get a US passport for your infant!

You’re probably thinking, ‘Where do I start?’ ‘How long is the process?’ and a myriad of other questions.

Trust me, I get it.

In fact, my family and I had the same thoughts as we prepared for our vacation to Barbados in January of this year.

So the good news is that we’ve been through the process and can now share detailed insights into the entire process.

What Is Required for a US Infant Passport?

Here’s the short list of items required for a U.S. infant passport from the U.S. Department of State:

1. Form DS-11 – completed!
2. Proof of U.S. Citizenship, which includes a Birth Certificate, or if they were born abroad, you can use a Consular Report of Birth Abroad or Certification of Birth
3. A Photocopy of the Proof of U.S. Citizenship and it must meet the following requirements: legible, on white 8.5″ x 11″ paper, black and white, and single-sided.
4. Proof of Parental Relationship, so basically a second birth certificate would be useful!
5. Parents/Guardians’ Valid ID, which could be a valid driver’s license or even a foreign passport.
6. A Photocopy of the Parents/Guardians’ Valid ID with the same requirements as the photocopy of proof of U.S. Citizenship, except you can enlarge it if necessary.
7. Show Parental Consent, aka both parents should show up at the passport appointment. If one can’t make it, well that’s’ an option. However, the unavailable parent will need to consent but via a form. See full details under no.7 here.
8. Passport Photo for Child
9. Calculate Those Fees! A passport book by itself currently costs $80 plus an application fee of $35. A passport card costs $15 plus $35 for the application fee. However, a passport book and a card cost $95 plus one application fee of $35.
10. Submit Your Application + Pay. You can do this at a passport acceptance facility. Usually, this is a local post office. But if you’re not sure, you can search for the closest one here: https://iafdb.travel.state.gov/.

How Should You Prepare for a US Infant Passport?

Now, if you have all of these items prepared in advance of submitting your application and paying for it, life will be a breeze!

As far as paperwork and documents are concerned, that’s the easy part. You can even schedule your passport appointment in advance and some locations even do Saturdays!

Yet for us, the hardest part of preparing for a U.S. Infant passport was being able to take our daughter’s passport photo.

How We Took A Great Passport Photo of Our Infant PLUS A More Efficient Way To Do It

To take the passport photo of our infant, my husband and I followed the tips shared on the U.S. Department of State website, which are as follows:

Tips for taking photos of infants and newborns:

• Lay the child on its back on a white blanket or sheet to ensure its head is supported without the aid of a hand.
• Alternatively, cover a car seat with a plain white sheet and take a picture of your child in the car seat.
• Please make sure no other person is in the photo.
• A photo with the child looking at the camera is preferred, although not required.

So with our cellphones in tow, and the curtains pulled back in our home to get as much natural light as possible, we proceeded.

We laid a blanket down on the floor in our living room, placed our little peanut in the middle, and then snapped away!

Needless to say, we didn’t have the greatest result but with some basic photo editing, and repositioning of our baby girl, we were able to create a photo that would be eligible for the passport.

Then, to get it printed at the appropriate passport photo size, I visited my closest Walgreen’s where the attendant helped me print out 2 passport photos.

Easy enough, right?

Well…..What if I told you there is a way more efficient way to take a great passport photo of your infant?

The Most Efficient Way To Take A Great Passport Photo Of Your Infant

If you want to save time AND take the hassle out of taking a great passport photo of your infant, here’s a secret that I learned from the Walgreen’s attendant…

Go to the nearest Walgreen’s and they will take a professional passport photo of your infant (or toddler).

Isn’t that much better than our DIY method?

Pin This Post To Save or Read Later!

Just place your mouse (or finger) over the photo, then select the Pinterest icon and Pin it!

<p>The post How To Best Take A Great Passport Photo Of Your Infant first appeared on Baydian Girl.</p>

Trust me, that’s the question that every new parent asks.

However, there are two more questions that tend to come next:

1. Where do I get what I need/want for my baby?
2. How do I let family and friends know?

Well, thankfully, I have a comprehensive solution for all of those questions today!

It starts with a step-by-step guide on how to create an easy and convenient baby registry with Babylist and ends with a baby registry checklist for value-shoppers like me.

I know that may sound backward but bear with me! There’s a reason.

How To Create An Easy & Convenient Baby Registry With Babylist

When I discovered that I was pregnant with our baby girl, my biggest worries included the baby registry.

I was concerned about:

• Creating a baby registry at my convenience
• Being able to create a list of items from multiple stores
• Sharing our list of needs with all my friends and family, especially the ones who don’t live close by and are overseas. Remember, I’m an immigrant – so a majority of my family lives in a different country.

Luckily, as I was perusing Pinterest (my favorite social media platform), I came across Babylist.com, and what I saw was an answer to prayer!

Why Babylist Is The Ultimate Baby Registry Solution

Here’s why!

(1) You Can Put Anything Onto Your Baby Registry From Any Store. Do you like T.J.Maxx, Amazon.com and Old Navy? Do you love Target and at the same time like a baby item from Walmart.com or Etsy? No matter how diverse your shopping tastes are, you can add links to everything. I mean you can even add multiple links to one item so that your family and friends can choose what you want from a store they prefer. Genius right?

(2) You Can Add Meaningful Gifts Too! Every parent knows that although diapers are a necessity, having someone to babysit so you can get rest, or having someone cook you dinner during the postpartum healing process is a God-send. So why not add it to your baby registry? Makes absolute sense, right? Babylist has a section entitled It Takes A Village (Help & Favors) that gives your tribe the ability to bless you with more than what you can buy in a store.

(3) Specify Exactly What You Need & Don’t Worry About Getting Similar Gifts. For each item you add, you can specify how much or how many of that thing you’ll need. But what’s even better is that your tribe can also reserve one or more items on the list! These features together create the best communication between you and your village. Not only can they see exactly how much you need, but they can also see if someone else has already bought something for you. Yayyyyy, no unnecessary multiples of gifts! Oh, and before I forget, your friends and family can also reserve a gift they want to buy for you even before they purchase it. PLUS you get a notification of everything bought or reserved so you know exactly what you need to actually buy from your own pocket. It’s heaven!

(4) Super Easy to Create and Share! My goodness, I can’t even stress how EASY this part is! You can create your baby registry with Babylist on any device – laptop, desktop, iPad or cell phone. All you need is access to wi-fi and then you can go to babylist.com, or download their app on your mobile device! Download it today from Google Play or the iTunes Store. And sharing? It’s a breeze! You can text, email, DM, etc. the link to your friends and family. Or you can make the link public and searchable on Google.

(5) A FREE Baby Box + Discount Code! Also referred to as the HELLO Baby Box, you receive this welcome gift close to your due date from Babylist. It’s packed with samples and coupon codes for you and your baby! And did I mention that Babylist also doubles as a baby store? So close to your expected due date, they give you a 10% code to items you choose in their store.

(6) Talk About A Great Communication Tool! At first, I was only going to list five reasons why Babylist is the best baby registry but I had to add this last one because I’m a planner and love when communication is made unbelievably easy.

With Babylist:

• You can let your village know exactly what you need and the amount.
• Whenever someone buys something, they can send it to your preferred address. No texts required!
• You are aware of who has reserved or purchased an item so you can plan for what you may need to buy for yourself.
• You can share your expected due date so your family and friends have a timeline for gift purchases.
• You can easily share with those in your village who are out-of-state or overseas!
• You can keep the URL up and reuse it for as long as you need! There’s literally no rush.
• You get notifications when the price of an item on your list decreases…or increases!

How to Create A Baby Registry with Babylist

Ok, so how do you create your baby registry with this amazing software?

First, grab your phone and download the Babylist app ( Google Play or the iTunes Store), or grab your laptop and go to Babylist.com.

Then sign up!

Once you’ve logged in, you’ll need to complete a questionnaire that will assess your expected parenting lifestyle. For example, are you a parent who will spare no expense for your new baby? Do you have a specific budget? Or are you a value-shopper who doesn’t care about specific brands?

Trust me, these all matter! A baby registry is not one-size-fits-all. It really depends on your unique context!

Next, Babylist will populate a baby registry for you based on the parenting lifestyle you’ve shared! Easy right? But it gets even better!

Let’s say you don’t like something on the auto-generated list, or you still want to add some specialized options…you can just add it in any section!

Simply click the Add Items button on the app or website and click away!

Plus you can add multiple store links to each item, giving your friends and family the freedom of choice…all while still getting what you want!

And that’s it!! Voila, you’re done!

But just to repeat, in case you missed it, here’s how to create an easy and convenient baby registry with Babylist:

1. Download the Babylist app ( Google Play or the iTunes Store), or go to Babylist.com. 
2. Sign up!
3. Take the Baylist Parenting Lifestyle Quiz.
4. Add/Edit items on your baby registry.

Now, one more thing.

The Ultimate Baby Registry Checklist

Remember that question, “What do I need for my baby?”

Well, truth be told, a baby registry is not one-size-fits-all. It really depends on your unique context!

[bctt tweet=”A baby registry is not one-size-fits-all. It really depends on your unique context!” username=”baydiangirl”]

But if you’re anything like me – a value-shopping mom – my personal baby registry might prove a helpful starting point!

Just click the photo below to see it or go here: https://www.babylist.com/tamara-sykes.

Remember, this is based on my experience. Feel free to use it as a reference!

And don’t worry, my real address isn’t visible on this 😉

Did you find this post helpful? Let me know in the comments below!

<p>The post How To Create An Easy & Convenient Baby Registry With Babylist + FREE Baby Checklist first appeared on Baydian Girl.</p>

First Christmas tree.

First Christmas with a baby.

And…First family Christmas photoshoot.

As you can imagine, starting our Christmas decor and traditions from scratch was a bit stressful.

I had no idea the Christmas tree skirt I wanted would cost so much! Not to mention, it took me forever to find the copper and blue ornaments that matched my preferred color palette.

Luckily, T.J. Maxx and Target had the holiday decorations I needed.

Nevertheless, despite this being my rookie year in all things Christmas, I created an effortless family Christmas photoshoot idea that we hope to make a long-lasting tradition.

What’s This Family Christmas Photo Idea?

It’s simple!

Matching Christmas Pajamas!

Amid all the intense Christmas preparation, it’s quick and easy to purchase a set of matching Christmas pajamas from stores like Target or my latest online discovery, PatPat.

And did I mention that both retailers usually have their options on sale as early as Black Friday?

You definitely can’t go wrong!

Plus, if you prefer to avoid shopping with large crowds during the holidays, you will love the option to purchase what your family will wear online.

Ready to see how we captured memories with this family Christmas photo idea?

Keep reading!

What The Elf?

We used our new holiday decorations as the backdrop for our first family Christmas photos. Then we wore our Holiday Elf Pajamas that we ordered from PatPat.

There was no pressure to pose or have a full face of makeup.

Our local professional photographer captured us in the moment, just as we were!

Effortless.

Check out the results 🙂

We captured timeless, memorable shots and used them for our family Christmas card!

Would you try this family Christmas photoshoot idea next year?

<p>The post What The Elf? An Effortless Family Christmas Photoshoot Idea first appeared on Baydian Girl.</p>

You see, after giving birth to my beautiful baby girl in the Spring of this year, I experienced a rare difficulty with my body’s postpartum healing.

It’s referred to as labial adhesions.

Disclaimer: The content of this post may be inappropriate for kids under the age of 13.

What Are Labial Adhesions?

In simple terms, labial adhesions occur when the labia (aka lips of the vagina) “stick together rather than staying separated.”

To give you a visual without a vivid photo, here’s my laymen terms description:

Labial adhesions are when the lips of the vagina stick together, creating two holes in a female’s private area.

They usually occur in infants and young girls – known as primary labial adhesion.

However, it can also affect women who have just given birth and women who have gone through menopause – known as secondary labial adhesion.

How Are They Caused?

Well, the basic consensus is that labial adhesions are caused by a lack of estrogen.

Yet there are still other known causes such as:

• Vulval Cancer
• Childbirth Complications
• Scarring Tissue from Surgery or Trauma

Sounds fun, right?

What Are The Symptoms of Labial Adhesions?

I don’t mean to make you wince but here’s the truth, when you have labial adhesions, it is difficult to:

1. Urinate
2. Have Sex
3. Sit Comfortably

Amongst other things, like using a tampon, it’s a small thing that has a very big impact on everyday life.

My Labial Adhesions Story

Now that you have that context, allow me to share my rare postpartum recovery story with you.

How They Were Discovered

Everything came to light at my first postpartum appointment.

I was nervous.

But I’d prayed that I would get a good report from the doctor, confirming that I had healed well because I was anxious to get back into the swing of things.

However, that was not the case.

After reviewing how my body had healed since childbirth, my doctor told me that despite my stitches healing well, I actually had two holes instead of one in my private area.

I looked at her with a blank face.

I had never heard of this before, and frankly, I couldn’t even visualize what she was saying to me.

Seeing the obvious confusion on my face, my doctor decided to use a mirror to show me exactly what had happened down there.

When I looked, it all made sense.

Instead of one opening, the lips of my vagina (medically referred to as the labia), had fused together during healing. This left me with 2 holes.

So that’s why when I urinated it felt weird.

“Oh wow, ok,” I said aloud to confirm my realization.

“How did that even happen?”

Why They Were Formed

Remember I mentioned earlier that sometimes these labial adhesions are formed due to childbirth complications?

Well, I had a very smooth delivery so, in my mind, I should’ve had just as smooth of a postpartum healing process.

But I stood to be corrected.

My doctor explained that in some postpartum cases, particularly among young women, there’s a lack of estrogen after childbirth.

This was what had caused my labial adhesions.

Crazy, right?

I had never had a lack of estrogen before but after delivery, it was in short supply.

Naturally, my follow-up question to this information was, “Was there any way to prevent this from happening?”

To which I received a ‘No.’

Ugh, bummer.

“So, how do we fix this?” I asked.

“Well, we have some options,” my doctor replied.

And that statement right there started the 6-month process of my rare postpartum recovery.

My First Treatment For My Labial Adhesions

The first option my doctor suggested was a non-invasive solution.

She prescribed me estrogen cream and gave very simple instructions. At least they seemed so.

After picking up my prescription from my pharmacy, I needed to rub and massage estrogen cream on and under my adhesions twice a day. We would then have a checkup in two weeks.

The goals of this DIY treatment were to:

1. Avoid surgery.
2. Loosen the skin that had fused together.

I left the doctor’s office feeling hopeful and motivated that I would accomplish this task without a problem.

But the reality was far from it.

It was very challenging for me to take time during my daily routine to sit on the bed with my legs wide open and try to massage my vagina in order to loosen the skin.

First and foremost, I could barely see down there and using my phone or a mirror only helped so much. Secondly, trying to do that in the morning or evening with a 2-month old was rough. And last but not least, trying to loosen the skin down there was painful.

My initial solution was to have my husband do it for me, but as he tried, I cried out of frustration and pain.

And after that point, I definitely wasn’t consistent.

Plus the week before my check-up, Mother Nature hit, and I definitely wasn’t messing around down there and massaging anything with that going on!

So at my check-up, there was some progress but it was very little.

You know me, I was honest with my doctor and simply told her that I had not been as consistent as I should have been.

She thanked me for my frankness and assured me that we were in this together. Then she asked me to try this first treatment for another 2 weeks.

I did but I faltered again.

Between returning to work, taking care of my baby and trying to find my footing again as a wife and individual, I neglected my physical self-care.

Everything else came before what I truly needed to prioritize – me.

This resulted in an additional month of trying to do the first DIY treatment.

But there was no progress and I just got more frustrated with the increasing discomfort and the entire situation as time dragged on.

My Second Treatment

Around the middle of September, my doctor offered to do another treatment.

It wasn’t much different from the first.

However, with my time struggles and reluctance to DIY the treatment myself, she stated that I could set an appointment with her to more aggressively massage the labial adhesions and help separate them.

All I would need is to pick up a numbing cream she would prescribe, bring the estrogen cream I had in with me to the appointment, and then she would do the rest of the work.

It sounded like heaven to me!

And, my hope returned.

The day of the appointment came.

I had the numbing cream and estrogen cream in tow.

The nurse checked my vitals, and then my doctor applied the numbing cream to my private area.

After 15 minutes, she returned, applied the estrogen cream and began to massage/pull the labial adhesions apart.

At first, it didn’t hurt but about half an hour in, the numbing cream wore off.

So my doctor repeated the procedure again.

She made some progress but after 2+ hours, the numbing cream began to burn because the separation of the labial adhesions made my skin raw.

NOT FUN!

I asked her to stop.

I couldn’t take it anymore.

The pain was intense, and my head was throbbing from the pressure and hunger.

During the pause, she looked at the progress and asked, “Do you mind if I have my partner doctor look at this?”

I agreed.

I felt like my body was failing me and really needed a break.

The second doctor came in.

She introduced herself and mentioned that her specialty was with women who were experiencing menopause so she had seen labial adhesions before.

After reviewing the progress we’d made, her suggestion was to give me a numbing injection in my private area, cut the labial adhesions and then stitch them.

If that didn’t sound like a good option for me, then my last resort was to have same-day surgery where they would do a similar process with sedation.

“How long would that take to heal?” I asked, curious about the healing process.

“It would be an uncomfortable 1-2 weeks pretty similar to what you experienced in the first 6 weeks post childbirth,” they responded. “What would you like to do?”

I froze. What did I want to do?

My husband was in a different state with my daughter attending a funeral for a beloved family member, and here I was, in a room by myself, trying to figure out the logistics of how a minimally invasive surgery would affect my home and work life.

“May I have 5 minutes to think about this?”

They obliged. “Yes, take the time you need.”

“I’ll check back with you in 20 minutes,” my doctor added.

My Decision For My Final Treatment

As soon as they left the room, I lost it.

The tears I had kept inside burst out.

I was emotionally spent and I just wanted this to be over.

Why did my body have to do this?

Why was this such a long drawn out process?

Right in the middle of my meltdown, my doctor returned.

She saw my tears and began to apologize for the frustration and length of the process.

She took my hand and assured me that she would do everything possible to help me get back to normal.

I thanked her. It honestly helped that she genuinely cared so much about my well-being.

But then came the dreaded question.

“What would you like to do?”

I responded, “I’m going to do the surgical procedure.”

“Ok, let’s do it.”

My Final Treatment – Separation of Labial Adhesions Same-Day Surgery

On October 10th, I had my pre-surgery preparation appointment where they checked to make sure I was physically healthy enough to have a surgery and sedation.

I passed all my tests with flying colors.

From that point, since my surgery was scheduled for October 18th, I spent my evenings preparing for my post-surgery care.

This included picking up my subscription of oxycodone, finalizing my time off schedule with my HR Manager and boss at work plus making sure I had everything set up at home ( food, water, etc.) for my healing process.

The night before, I bathed with Dial anti-bacterial soap, stopped eating after 6 PM and got a good night’s rest.

Then on October 18th, I went in to the same-day surgery office for my procedure accompanied by my husband.

After checking in, I wiped down with the medical cleaning cloths they gave me (which made me so ashy!!), got dressed in my hospital robe, and then cooperated with the nurse assigned to me as she helped get me ready for surgery.

Within about 30 minutes, my husband then joined me in my prep room and my doctor followed about 15 minutes after that.

Having my husband there and seeing my smiling doctor helped my nerves! But I was still anxious.

I had never been under anesthesia before. The closest thing I had experienced was the epidural during my labor and delivery.

Anyway, after a total of an hour and a half of surgery prep, I was wheeled into the surgery room.

After that, all I remember is being told to position my body a certain way, having a mask placed over my nose and mouth, and then…..I opened my eyes in my post-surgery room and saw my husband sitting there smiling. LOL.

“That was a good nap,” I commented.

He laughed.

My doctor then came in and gave me a quick review of my healing instructions, also mentioning that she had given my husband a more in-depth breakdown of what I needed to do.

She then wished me luck and reminded me that I’d see her for my review appointment on October 31st.

The nurse then prepped me to leave, helped me get into a wheelchair and escorted my husband and me to the car.

Healing Process

The minute I got home, I popped one of my oxycodone pills in my mouth, sat in bed and forced myself to rest.

In fact, that’s pretty much what I did from that day on.

I made sure to not overextend my body by eating well, sleeping well and relinquishing control of things I usually did around the house (and trust me, that’s hard!!).

I also made sure to follow ALL my post-surgery care instructions consistently.

This meant that every time I used the restroom, I had to insert a piece of gauze covered in vaseline or numbing cream in between the labia to keep them from fusing together again.

And even if I didn’t use the restroom for some time, I still needed to replace the gauze frequently for sanitary reasons.

I put myself first.

And I’m happy to say that IT PAID OFF!!

A Clean Bill Of Health For The Win!

On October 31, 2018, I had the quickest and best appointment ever!

My doctor reviewed my post-surgery progress and happily told me that my vagina was normal.

I clapped!

Who knew that being told something about you is normal could be such good news? LOL

Conclusion

Despite how tough this situation was for me, overcoming this and persevering despite the setbacks and inconveniences made me feel stronger as a woman.

It made me realize that you truly don’t know how strong you are until you are forced to be strong.

And let me tell you, after that last appointment, I felt like a badass!

But most of all, I re-learned a very important lesson.

I have to take care of myself before I take care of others

It is non-negotiable.

In fact, by not taking care of myself, I put everyone around me at more of a disadvantage.

It reminded me of when my little brother mentioned that on any flight they will ask you to [bctt tweet=”Put your oxygen mask on first before you help anyone else. You can’t help anyone if you’re struggling to breathe.” username=”baydiangirl”]

So with that being said, I wrote this story to shed light on a part of womanhood that is rarely discussed, and I hope that any woman who is experiencing this is reminded that they are not alone and that they are strong enough to overcome this!

And even if you never experienced this, which I hope you never do, I hope this testimony reminds you to take care of yourself!

Did you learn something new about postpartum recovery from this story?

After reading this, will you now make an effort to take care of yourself no matter how tiny something seems?

<p>The post Labial Adhesions: The Truth About My Rare Postpartum Recovery first appeared on Baydian Girl.</p>

Five words on Instagram that made me stop in my tracks, and face how I truly felt.

They were:

As a mom I’m feeling…

And in response to that prompt, I reluctantly typed, “Invisible…That’s the exact emotion right now.”

I stared at my comment, allowing the depth of what I had just shared to sink in.

Then a couple minutes later, my eyes widened as I muttered to myself, “Oh my gosh, I feel invisible as a mom.”

I shivered.

This was new territory and it was uncomfortable.

Here’s A Little Context

You see, now that I had entered motherhood, I found myself out of the spotlight in spaces that I used to dominate.

I felt like I wasn’t enough, particularly in a world where social media metrics, digital algorithms, and well-intentioned calls magnified how I was “old news” in comparison to the adorable infant I held in my arms.

To be frank, one place it hurt the most was my brand’s online presence.

If I posted a photo of my little peanut or a photo of me with her, the likes and comments flourished.

On the other hand, if I shared a photo of just me, the engagement decreased.

I knew it wasn’t intentional, however, I began to feel less impactful, and even began to question my purpose for creating content.

I asked myself, “Is this the end of my brand?”

But, as I said, that was only one aspect of my life.

In my day-to-day activities, the harsh reality of being asked about my daughter more than genuine conversations about me became another layer of invisibility I wasn’t quite prepared for.

It was quite different from pregnancy when there was a steady flow of interest in my well-being.

So I Struggled…

At first, I scolded myself for even feeling invisible as a mom. I shamed my heart for being sensitive to these things and proceeded to suppress my emotions, hoping that the next day they would disappear.

But that didn’t work.

Instead, I took a trip to very negative head space and bunked there for a few days.

During that week, I spent countless hours comparing myself to others, especially other moms who looked like they had retained the spotlight in their life despite the big life change that is becoming a parent. And of course, this comparison trap became toxic.

My idle time became a boxing ring for me to beat myself up and recount all the things I had done wrong, or how boring I was.

Add to that the general perception that ‘this is just how it is once you have a kid’, and I was thrust into an internal war.

I wanted to scream and say, “So what, I’m still a human! I’m still interesting! I’m still here!” But I also didn’t want to be judged and labeled as petty.

It sucked.

I struggled.

And I felt defeated.

But Luckily, That Isn’t The End of My Story

As I mentioned in the beginning, five simple words, ‘As a mom I feel…,‘ forced to me stop numbing my emotions and became the first step towards my ongoing healing.

Then I took a couple of minutes during my commute home to cry about it.

Yes, cry.

I needed to release my pain.

With these foundational pieces in place, I began to practice loving who I was, making sure that I shifted my attention to my self-worth.

I reminded myself that I am beautiful, I am worthy of interest and I am important.

I forced myself to focus “on [all] things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse” about who I am (Philippians 4:8-9 MSG).

And in doing so, I found peace.

In doing so, I found harmony within.

Now, I can smile without any pretenses and, as Maya Angelou said, I show up in my life prepared to be myself and only myself no matter who does or doesn’t recognize it.

I am no longer invisible. I am a force to be reckoned with.

So, Are You Feeling Invisible As A Mom?

If you are, girl I get it.

And if I can speak to that wound in your heart right now, let me say this:

“I know you feel lost is in this journey. I know you feel meaningless in the beautiful chaos of motherhood.

But you are important. You are treasured beyond words.

You matter.”

[bctt tweet=”To the mom who feels invisible –> I know you feel lost in this journey. I know you feel meaningless in the beautiful chaos of motherhood. But you are important. You are treasured beyond words. You matter.” username=”baydiangirl”]

I pray that you dwell on that today. Amen.

<p>The post A Raw Exposé On Feeling Invisible As A Mom first appeared on Baydian Girl.</p>

It wasn’t too long ago that I was pregnant with our baby girl and then delivered her into this world.

Needless to say, the beauty of it all is forever etched in my memory.

However, there were a  few things that took me by surprise.

So, in honor of the new babies and badass moms in my life, let’s tackle the ugly truth about postpartum recovery with a list of 30 secrets no shares about the process.

Disclaimer: Some images may be inappropriate for kids under the age of 13.

30 “Secrets” About Postpartum Recovery

(1) You Are So Excited To Officially Meet Your Baby

After 9+ months of seeing and feeling the baby inside of your body, you officially get to meet them!

They are no longer kicking you in your stomach or stopping you from laying on your stomach while you sleep. They are here – in the flesh!

The overwhelming joy you feel cannot be described in mere words.

It’s a miracle, a beautiful miracle.

You and your partner created this new being, and being a part of that is beyond amazing.

(2) Prepare for the Bleeding

9+ months of no period sounds amazing, right? Well, it is!

However, after pregnancy, all the blood that your body didn’t discard during the monthly visits from Mother Nature COMES OUT. And it happens for about 6 weeks.

Fun, right?

Well, it gets even better!

While you’re in the hospital for the first 24-48 hours, the nurses will check on you to make sure you need to urinate and to check that you’re bleeding well.

A part of the process includes pushing down on your significantly smaller stomach to make sure your uterus is decreasing as it should. They don’t want you to bleed out. Nevertheless, this is pretty painful!

Plus once you’re home, you may feel sharp cramping pains as your uterus decreases back to its normal size. This, of course, is accompanied by….you guessed it – bleeding.

Blah.

(3) Get Used To Granny Panties & Adult Diapers

Now, this part of my postpartum recovery cracks me up to this day! LOL (<– literally)

With all that bleeding going on, you can’t wear your normal sexy underwear.

No, no, no! That won’t do.

Instead, the nurse at the hospital (or your midwife for home births) will bless you with pairs of disposable mesh underwear. Here’s the most appropriate photo I could find of them.

My advice, take as many of these from the hospital that you can. You will want them!

During your recovery, you will wear these under a fuller cut of underwear, you may know as granny panties.

Then when you run out of these, you can buy more OR, you can take the route I chose, and opt to wear adult diapers.

To this day, I still can’t believe that I spent over an hour researching the best brand of adult diapers for women. I mean, I looked at reviews on Amazon, Walmart.com, you name it. Eventually, I settled on the Always Discreet brand in size L as pictured below.P.S. I chose the Large size so that I would still be comfortable with my new belly and waist size.

(4) Witch Hazel Pads Are A God-Send 🙌🏾

The fact is you’ll be in pain after childbirth so you’ll need some things to help ease the ache in your private area.

One of these magical things is a pack of witch hazel pads.

Witch hazel pads are medical cooling pads that contain witch hazel, a natural chemical that helps soothe irritated areas, relieve burning and itching caused by hemorrhoids, and helps reduce inflammation or swelling.

They are VERY helpful with discomfort after childbirth, aka postpartum recovery.

So whether you haven’t gotten to labor and delivery, or you have already passed that stage, get you some of these from Kroger or Amazon!

I used the Blistex Tucks® brand but you can also make your own if you’d prefer. Just follow the handy-dandy step-by-step tutorial here by my fellow influencer, Chauntel Delgado.

(5) You’ll Have A Love Affair With Ice Packs

Another golden treasure during postpartum recovery – the pad ice pack, also referred to as padsicles or perineal cold packs.

According to my lovely medical team, these are simply large maxi pads that are run under water and then frozen.

The hospital will have plenty, so again TAKE THEM ALL AND ASK FOR EXTRAS!

Or if you prefer, like the witch hazel pads, you can DIY too.

They do wonders for the ache down there.

More than likely, you’re going to place one inside your adult diapers or mesh underwear periodically throughout the day as you heal.

(6) Where’s the Pain Medicine?

I remember pushing the nurse button every 4-6 hours like clockwork for pain medicine while I was in the hospital. And I stuck to that regimen when I returned home with our bundle of joy in tow.

I could take 1 MOTRIN® IB (ibuprofen) tablet every 4 hours and 1 oxycodone pill every 6 hours, and I needed it!

The pain was relentless no matter what position my body was in.

(7) No Need To Be Ashamed About Stool Softener

With all the pain medicine, a slowing down of your digestive system, and a temporary loss of muscle tone in your abdomen due to childbirth, you will need a stool softener.

Your doctor will most likely prescribe some to you in addition to the pain meds.

However, if they don’t, make sure to grab some like Colace.

You’ll thank me later.

(8) Your First Poop Will Scare You

Another thing, despite the pain medication and stool softener, your first poop will still SCARE THE HELL OUT OF YOU! 

Why?

Your body just went through a surgery and trauma at the same time.

You’re tender down there.

And you’re probably afraid that when you use the bathroom, you may tear a stitch or two.

Not that I want to be graphic, but I don’t know how else to get the intensity of the fear across.

Please remember that you’re not alone. Most moms experience this.

Unfortunately, there’s no way to overcome this except to go through it BUT you can take the stool softener pills and drink plenty of water to help.

This too shall pass.

(9) No Wiping Down There For A While, So You’ll Need A Cleansing Bottle

While we’re on the topic of the bathroom, here’s a gentle reminder that you won’t be able to wipe your private area until everything heals. So when you use the bathroom, you’ll need to clean down there with a cleansing bottle filled with warm water.

You may have seen a tweet from Chrissy Teigen about this infamous bottle. But just in case you haven’t, here’s a picture for you from Amazon.

The only cost $4 BUT again, the hospital (or midwife) will give you one so TAKE IT WITH YOU. It’s invaluable!

And just for context, I suggest that you fill this with warm water and set it by you before you sit on the toilet seat.

(10) Breastfeeding Is Natural But It May Be Challenging

News flash, in case you forgot (which I doubt you did), in addition to postpartum recovery, you still have a child to take care of. Part of that includes breastfeeding.

Whew. Where do I start?

First, breastfeeding is natural but it’s also a choice!

Now that that’s out of the way, I have to be real, breastfeeding is T-O-U-G-H!

As a new mom, if you choose to breastfeed, you experience the nurses telling and showing you how to breastfeed your baby. Even as your child may be crying, they’ll try different holds and techniques to try to improve the chances of your baby latching. For example, the football hold vs laying them horizontally across your upper body.

They mean well, but it can be overwhelming and exhausting.

My personal experience, our daughter did well the first day but 24 hours later, she just wasn’t interested. As a result, I had several times when I cried because I felt like I was already a horrible mom. I mean, I thought to myself, ‘Why couldn’t I get this to work??? It looked so easy online.‘

Keep in mind, I didn’t realize that breast milk takes most women 3+ days to come in and so for the first couple of days, you produce a substance called colostrum. It isn’t milk as we think of it, but it provides all the nutrients your child will need, including important antibodies.

Nevertheless, it was challenging.

(11) Breastmilk Makes your Boobs Hurt

Ever heard of the term “engorged breasts?”

Breast engorgement refers to a mom’s breasts becoming “larger, heavier and a little sore due to being filled with a lot of milk plus the extra blood and lymph fluids in the breast tissue.”

Basically, your boobs hurt!

This happened to me the day I returned home from the hospital, and let me tell you, I cried…again. I was also so scared that I called the lactation specialist at the hospital because I thought something was wrong with me.

My boobs swelled up but when I tried to pump, nothing came out.

Sadly, the lactation office at the hospital was closed for the weekend when I called but they returned my call on Monday and alleviated my concerns. Turns out my body was just preparing to make larger quantities of milk.  But it truly hurt.

(12) Pumping Is A Full-Time Job

Girl, pumping breast milk for your baby is no joke!

The nurse in the hospital actually gave me a schedule to stick to. Her advice, pump for 15 minutes and then rest for 2 hours. Then do it again.

Doing that all day while taking care of a baby  – WORK.

Doing that as a stay-at-home mom – WORK.

Doing that as a working mom – WORK.

It’s W-O-R-K, WWWOOOORRRKKKK!!!

That is all.

(13) Your Breastmilk May Not Last Long

Sigh, another personal experience I’ve had. And I’m not alone. (Approximately 5% of women are unable to produce enough milk to feed their infants)

My breast milk dried up after 2 weeks.

Yep, it stopped. Ended. Didn’t come back.

Again, I felt like a failure because I really wanted to enjoy the experience. I mean I had the Medela breast milk storage set. I had the nursing tops. I had the disposable nursing pads. I was ready to go. But sadly, breastfeeding wasn’t in the cards for me.

And please don’t tell me I could’ve eaten more specific types of foods, bars or even dare say it’s my fault.

I tried everything. EVERYTHING.

I did my best.

I’m not accepting the shame you are trying to project on me or others who experience this.

If you’re a mom experiencing the same, know that you did too! #SayNoToBullying

(14) The Formula Shame Is Real

Whether your breast milk stops or you simply choose to stick with a formula diet, there will be a lot of people who will try to shame you for not doing it the most natural way.

Again, breastfeeding is a great choice!

But it’s not wrong to use formula.

As I said in the point above, don’t let anyone try to shame you into doing something you are unable to do.

You are making sure your infant doesn’t go hungry. Enough said.

Don’t be fooled by the breastfeeding bullying that is disguised as support. Again #SayNoToBullying.

(15) Who Has Time To Cook Food? Order In Or Start A Meal Train

With all the care and attention needed for your new bundle of joy plus what you need to do for yourself, cooking will probably not be in the cards.

Therefore, you’ve got two options.

A. Start A Meal Train – A friend suggested this to us and started one for us, especially because we don’t live close to family! This became such a blessing for us. People can donate food plus schedule a time they’re going to bring it over, or they can give money so you can order in. Just go to mealtrain.com and sign up to get started!

  B. Order In – There are a variety of apps that can bring tasty food to you like my favs, DoorDash or UberEats. There’s even Amazon Restaurants in selected areas!

Ok, I know I said there were only 2 options but there are actually 3.

C. Food Prep – Tight on budget and/or have help, do some food prep! You can create sheet pan meals, crockpot meals or even make everything for the week in one day and then just heat it up during the week! IT WILL SAVE YOU TIME AND MONEY!

My family and I used a combination of all three options in order to make it through the first few weeks with baby.

(16) Over 24 Hours Without A Shower

I know it sounds gross but trust me, it happens.

You will have days where in the beautiful chaos of things, you will end up going over 24 hours without a shower.

My personal record is 48 hours. I couldn’t go past that without feeling disgusting.

Sigh, it just happens.

(17) Get Family Help If You Can!

I have to give props to my mother-in-law for this!

As a mom, she knew that the first two weeks with the baby and postpartum recovery are the toughest so she offered to stay with us for a week in order to help us catch up on some sleep.

This proved to be INVALUABLE!!

Maybe some in your family, like your mom, grandma, or family friend would be willing to do this for you?

Don’t be afraid to ask!

However, it is also nice if someone offers! (so spread this ingenious idea around)

(18) What Is Sleep?

LISTEN, the lack of sleep is R-E-A-L!

My husband and I experienced it differently. Our daughter slept well but just because we were first-time parents, every noise, whimper, or cry made us jump out of our bed.

For other parents, the lack of sleep can purely be due to a baby with colic or just a baby that sleeps for shorter periods.

I don’t even know how parents make it with twins. I just can’t imagine!! #GodBlessYou

Either way, you will push your body to the limit no matter what.

Some advice I was given suggested that we sleep while our baby slept.

To be honest, I couldn’t bring myself to do this.

What my husband and I did do is take shifts. We split shifts by the nap, and used an app called BabyTime to track feedings, dirty diapers, etc. so we could communicate.

That way we both got spurts of sleep and felt at peace because the other was awake and available if our baby needing attending to.

Sidebar: Going through this experience helped me appreciate single parents so much more. I can’t wrap my mind around how they even do it. So if any of you single parents out there have any tips, PLEASE share them in the comments below! I’d even be willing to have a guest blog post for others to read! Just let me know and we’ll get it published.

(19) Postpartum Emotions, They Can Be A Little Crazy

Man, this one got me.

There were days that I cried while my baby cried as I rocked her back and forth.

There were days when I didn’t want ANYONE to hold her (and I wrote about it here).

Sigh, there were even days that I just felt sad for no specific reason.

Then there’s an immense feeling of doubt. I’ll admit it. I questioned if I should have had a baby. If I would be a good mother. If I thought this through, and the list goes on.

There’s also baby blues – a less intense version of postpartum depression. In fact, 70-80% of women experience it, especially because it triggered by hormone changes after birth.

Like I said, your emotions can get crazy.

No matter how they show up for you during postpartum recovery, be kind to yourself! Give yourself the love that you would freely give to others.

(20) It’s Different When Your Kid Is Out of the Womb

I will say one thing to describe this, an I have to thank a colleague for sharing this with me.

She said, “When your kid is born and outside of the womb, it feels as if your heart is on a string that’s still attached to you.”

If that still doesn’t make sense, allow me to translate.

After childbirth, your baby is no longer under the protection of your body so the fear, worry, and anxiety that comes with that are intense. It’s as if you have taken your own heart out of your body, put it on a string that’s still attached to you and allow people to hold it.

Now if you’re anything like me and are very protective of your heart, you know how scary this is.

(21) Your Body Is Different + Your Stomach May Be A Little Darker

I know, I know, there are tons of photos of women online who have perfect stomachs after childbirth. There are even those who swear that cocoa butter and other natural remedies will remove the dark lines.

Ummm, I haven’t had that luck!

My stomach is still darker than the other part of my body, especially belly button.

(22) Sneezing & Peeing At The Same Time Is A Thing

I laugh every time this happens! And many of my mom friends and I have laughed about this reality.

Even the first time I heard about it, I thought it wasn’t going to happen to me.

But it’s a thing! It’s such a thing!

During postpartum recovery, it will shock you at first but from then on, just use it as a momen to laugh!

P.S. Panty liners will be your best friend!

(23) Periods May Be Worse…Or Not!

Hear hear!

When Mother Nature comes to visit from here on out, it may look like a crime scene.

I have no idea why but even that changes.

There are also women, like myself whose periods got better!

For example, mine have become shorter and lighter and that’s without any medical help! I still experience the horrible cramps on the first and second days but that’s about it.

If you do experience any worse periods, make sure to let your doctor know! They can help give you advice on how to make this monthly time more bearable.

(24) Hair Loss Is A Thing Too

Another thing I didn’t think would happen to me until I saw a photo I took during a recent photoshoot.

My edges have died y’all!! It’s so sad.

So no more high pony tails for me.

I have had other moms in my tribe share that this isn’t weird at all. Hairstylists can even confirm that this happens to the new moms amongst their clientele.

The message: take care of your hair! 

(25) Postnatal Vitamins Are Great! 

My mentor (who is a nurse) and a colleague suggested these to me!

They let me know that it helps your body rebuild during postpartum recovery.

I have yet to purchase these for myself but the reviews I have seen are absolutely great!

Be better than me and get these ahead of time if you haven’t gone into labor yet. If you are in the postpartum stage, no matter how long, purchase them ASAP!

And if you find a great brand that works for you, let me know!

(26) Postpartum Doctor Visits

Can I cry again now?

This was another tough part for me, and it can be for many women.

On a basic level, this is the first doctor’s appointment that’s truly about you (aka without your baby in your body) so it can be tough.

During this appointment, your medical team will check to make on your healing progress as well as if you have postpartum depression.

Be open to what they say and how they offer to help. They truly care about getting you back on your feet.

(27) Prepare to Talk About Birth Control

This was a part of my first postpartum visit as well, and it was pretty scary because I have never been on birth control in my life.

I have my personal reasons. However, I did understand why my medical team brought it up plus I WAS NOT (and still am not) ready for kid #2.

Again, be open to what is shared about this. But also know that you don’t have to make a decision right then and there. You also don’t have to use birth control.

Maybe it’s my Caribbean roots but you really don’t have to. There are other options to make sure you give your body time to heal from this miraculous yet challenging experience.

(28) Clothes Don’t Fit The Same

Post-maternity style is an entirely different ball game that requires a unique approach.

In addition to the fact that you may not feel confident in your new body, pre-maternity and maternity clothes may not fit the same. Therefore, you feel like you have nothing to wear.

Plus if you’re breastfeeding, that requires clothes that make your breastmilk easily accessible to your infant.

My suggestions:

1. If you’re breastfeeding, invest in key nursing basics from stores like Motherhood Maternity, Bamboobies, or even Amazon.
2. Curate a capsule wardrobe of items that make you feel great! My go-tos: duster coats, maxi dresses, wrap shirts/dresses, boyfriend jeans, and high-waisted pants.
3. Love your body! I can’t stress self-love enough. It will take time to get back to your preferred body, or it may not happen at all. Either way, encourage yourself like you would encourage that precious new baby if they told you that they felt ugly.

(29) Self-Care Is Beyond Important

Take care of yourself. I know it’s cliche but it is beyond important!

Try to do at least 1 thing a day that makes you smile.

Some days, that will be taking a 30-minute shower. At other times it will be taking a walk outside by yourself.

And let’s not forget making sure you do medical things like going to the dentist and brushing your teeth.

Personally, I have a cup of coffee and a pop tart every morning as a gift to myself.

Taking care of you doesn’t have to be complicated.

It’s literally the small things that make a difference.

So eat a meal!

Get a pedicure!

Buy a new pair of jeans for your new body!

Read a chapter in a book!

Preserve your peace mama!

Because if you don’t put the oxygen mask on yourself first, or you will not be able to put your best foot forward with the other loves of your life.

[bctt tweet=”Put the oxygen mask on yourself first, or you will not be able to put your best foot forward with the other loves of your life.” username=”baydiangirl”]

And if you’re the relative or friend of a new mama, remind them to do this as much as possible!

(30) And Finally, Postpartum Recovery Takes Time

There’s a consensus amongst mamas that getting back to yourself takes a VERY long time. Some would even say up to 2 years.

In fact, I may even argue that you won’t necessarily get back to yourself. You’ll just be a better version of you – for e.g. strategic with time.

Therefore, with that being said, remember that postpartum recovery is a healing journey. It’s a process.

There will be new strengths that you will discover about yourself, and there will be feelings you never expected to have.

BE KIND TO YOURSELF.

I know I’ve said that a million times throughout this post but it’s a motivator you cannot afford to forget.

Have these secrets helped you feel more prepared for the first few weeks of motherhood?

If you’re a mom going through postpartum recovery, does this help you feel less alone?

Let me know in the comments below!

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<p>The post 30 “Secrets” No One Shares About Postpartum Recovery first appeared on Baydian Girl.</p>

She has the perfect skin tone – all tan. I’m so jealous.

Sad to say, I’ve heard this once or twice in reference to my mixed kid.

And, sad to say, I cringe every time I’ve heard the statement.

Yes, more often than not, the intention behind the statement is meant as a compliment. But this “compliment” perpetuates the prejudiced belief that one skin tone is better than another.

And as a God-fearing woman of color, I cannot condone this.

Here’s why.

(1) My Mixed Kid Is Multiracial – Don’t Take That Away From Her

In my case, my daughter is a mixture of White and Black. For other mothers, their children may be a mixture of Hispanic and White, Asian and Black, etc.

No matter the combo, intentionally pointing out the “perfection” of a mixed kid’s skin tone is equivalent to telling both parents, ‘Well, your skin tones suck.’

And, let’s be honest. Would you even bring up skin tone if my kid appeared to be from one race?

For example, have you seen a white baby and said, “OMG, I love white babies. Their skin is so amazing” ???

I highly doubt it.

(2) Please, Let’s Not Continue The Discriminatory Mindset Which Originated From Colonialism

Sounds like a mouthful right?

Well, here’s the basic explanation.

Colonialism is defined as the practice of taking control of another country and exploiting its resources to improve one’s economic influence. Unfortunately, it was historically always accompanied by slavery and resulted in discriminatory beauty standards (amongst other things).

The premise of these biased standards infers that someone of a lighter, or tan, skin tone should be favored above others.

Not only did this contribute to key elements of slavery and culturally embedded class systems, but it also affects how people of color navigate their beauty today.

Don’t believe me? Think about this.

Why was Rihanna’s Fenty Beauty cosmetic line such a game changer in 2017?

It was because Rihanna intentionally launched a high-quality makeup collection that let women of every skin tone and ethnicity know that they are beautiful. No tweaks necessary.

Apparently, that’s not the norm.

And that was only a year ago…

(3) Have You Heard About Skin Bleaching?

Remember I said that this skin tone “compliment” perpetuates the prejudiced belief that one skin tone is better than another?

Well, there are some parents who actually believe in this, and to act on their belief, they bleach their children’s skin (and their own) so they can have a lighter aka “perfect” skin tone.

This practice, widely known as skin bleaching, is achieved by use of rubbing peroxide or manufactured whitening creams on one’s body up to several times a day. The health hazards are beyond horrendous, and that’s putting it mildly if you are using a product manufactured by a large corporation. Some people, particularly parents, may create their own DIY concoction, which could present even more unpredictable dangers.

The reality is, this is a global epidemic.

Even as a millennial myself, I know that it is pretty rampant in the USA, Africa, India and my home, the Caribbean. Research has even unearthed that it happens in parts of Asia as well.

And it all stems from the belief that “if I have a lighter skin tone, I’ll have a better life.”

Crazy right? Sigh.

(4) Oh And Let’s Not Forget About Colorism

In the same vein that there are people who actively try to get as close as possible to the European ideal of beauty by bleaching their skin, there are also black people who discriminate against mixed kids because they tend to have a lighter skin tone.

This is known as colorism, and unfortunately, it is pretty rampant in society today.

All it takes to get an idea of what this looks like is to search the hashtag #lightskinned on social media platforms like Twitter and Instagram. Do that and you’ll see how people make assumptions about those with lighter skin tones, or how some use it as a way to identify themselves as if they are a part of a completely different race.

Can we just cut the BS??

Why on earth do we need to create more boxes to categorize ourselves in and alienate others?

I’m not here for it. Please leave my child out of it, thank you.

(5) Mixed Kids Are Constantly Asked Where They Are From

Last but not least, mixed kids are constantly asked to prove their heritage by people from all walks of life.

By that, I am referring to that angling question people ask when they say, “What are you?” or “What is he/she?”

Again, would you walk up to someone who appears White, and asks them to give you their entire ethnic background and results from their AncestryDNA™ test kit?

I doubt it.

So why approach my kid in that way?

Yes, I understand that you may be curious about my mixed kid’s ethnicity but there is a time and place. And frankly, you’re out of line if you ask me within moments of me first meeting you.

And no, you don’t get a free pass by subtly asking that question as you complement my kid’s skin tone.

Let’s Summarize This Shall We?

As I said in the beginning, I am aware that most people compliment my daughter’s skin tone with good intentions.

However, that doesn’t mean the statement is any less hurtful or impactful.

So for the future, be aware of your audience and simply say, “He’s handsome” or “She’s beautiful” instead of being hyperfocused on the pigment of a child’s skin.

Now as moms of mixed kids who get this comment, we have to do our part as well.

We can’t control people. However, we can be assertive and educate others on this.

We can stand our ground and nip this in the butt as it happens.

Any questions?

<p>The post FYI: My Mixed Kid Does Not Have The “Perfect” Skin Tone first appeared on Baydian Girl.</p>